Are my eyes bugging out? omg - the anxiety

Ok, so waiting to find out if J is visiting this weekend.  A visit that was suggested by him and planned 5 weeks ago.  As it's been getting closer, my confidence and trust are dropping at the same rate that my stress and anxiety are rising.
I am sure there is an easy way to map that and insert a visual diagram here (an engineer would know how to do that HA!).
Our conversations of late have been decidely non-sexual and fairly platonic. I realize this has been a very busy time for him at work, but HEY! what happened to 'I will know you' or 'missing you and PK' ?
I hate when I think I am needy- looking for a lot of engagement and reassurance when I could just be happy. I know I have this tremendous variability of trust - of never fully believing that what a person is saying is the same thing as what they are thinking/feeling.  Not good.  I have been the wanter before, and I sure don't want to do that again.  What a confidence killer - a spirit breaker- years later I still feel it and know I am not the same.  But...is the fear of being the wanter worth never letting anybody in?  I don't think so.  I feel like I might be ready, but maybe I am using faulty logic again.
*found this anxiety girl picture on google. gotta love her*